Getting Old

Written for my son and daughter, Barbara Hilton and Chip Hewett

And their families

At school before I retired, a student ask me how I felt about being old.  I was taken aback because I don’t necessarily see myself as “old”.  I don’t remember my reply, but remember telling her that I would ponder on that question and thanked her for asking me.

Now that I have pondered on it for sometime I will tell you what I could have told her.   Old age is a gift.  It means God has allowed us to see another sunrise.  And I am probably for the first time in my life the person I have always wanted to be.

Oh no, not my body! I often despair over my body; the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, the sagging buttocks, the bulging belly, memory loss, and thinning hair, Not to mention the aches and pains !  I often look at that old person in the mirror and wonder where did the young, pretty girl go. She was so full of life and energy, hope,  promise and dreams. She didn’t even bother to tell me she was leaving.  But I don’t agonize over those little things for long.

I would never trade my loving family, friends, people that I’ve met and come to know over the years, for less wrinkles, and a flatter belly. 

But while I was pondering the student’s question, I have become much kinder to myself, less critical of myself; I have become my own friend. I don’t feel guilty if I sit up until two A.M. in the morning watching some crazy TV show, and munch on things I know that is not good for me. If you want to come over and let’s go through “things” and pack up and store away, that is fine. If you don’t and can’t find the time, then that too is fine with me.  I refuse to agonize over what will be or what might be. 

I don’t worry about being a messy housekeeper. I have seen so many dear friends leave this world too soon before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

It doesn’t offend anyone if I write and blog on the computer until 3 A.M in the morning and sleep until noon.  Heck, I'm still learning at my own pace. What's wrong with that?

If I feel like it I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50’s and remember how much I was loved. And remember how much I loved a “prince”. I will weep for him.  Really weep until my heart will almost burst.  Then I will move on.  

I will remember when we were young and went to the beach and if he was here, we’d go to the beach again,  and I’d walk close to him in a “stretched over a bulging body swimsuit” and enjoy every moment.  I’d stick my tongue out at the jet set if I got those “weird looks” from any of them.  We would laugh. But ahhhhh they too will get old. Maybe.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually will remember the important things. And I know sometimes my family can’t always visit with me on those days that I feel so alone and abandoned, but they too will walk this path one day.  I hope they will try to remember the good things. I have tried to make my departure from this life as easy as possible for my loved ones. But remember I can only control just so much of it. But if I didn’t get it perfect, I know they are smart enough to figure it out!