Another night working..another night filling my thoughts with other people`s wants. Painting is good, thank God for that. Client will pick it up tomorrow.
Through the power of television, I was a retarted girl, a baseball great,had a sex change and created a new world. Wanted to be anyone but me. I pray but God doesn`t listen or maybe HE knows I have my doubts or HE wants me to get better on my own,but how do I do that?
The ticking of the clocks is so loud. Tempted to throw them in the trash, but the silence would be deafening. Get a grip, Pat! Keep your thoughts away from what was...it can never be that way again. God has sent many people to help,but I couldn`t force myself to accept their gifts. It is easier to be on my own. None of this makes sense,but neither does life. It wasn`t supposed to be this way. Know that I`m heading in a no-win direction and I fear a collision course. Each day I run, run, run to pass the seconds, minutes, hours....Perry`s love and now Perry`s widow. (Dear God, that`s the first time I`ve used that horrible word!)
Let this day be filled with new hopes and new beginnings. Let this day have no 'guilt trips.' Let this day be full of good things, even if it is only the sound of my ever-going woodpecter hammering away at the pecan tree.
