With
my Mr. Two there were enough red flags as to be obvious that this was
going to be a train wreck of epic proportions. But women being women
(especially at a younger age)...they want to support each other and
haven’t grown old and wise enough to just sit us down shake us by the
shoulders and say “WTF! Have you lost your MIND? Here DRINK this
martini and SHUT UP!” They would smile when I suggested that they
didn’t know the ‘real’ man with whom I had fallen hopelessly
off-the-cliff in love and that if they could just peek through our
windows without his knowledge they would see how precious funny and
loving he really was. Forget the fact that he was socially inept a
bully and controlled my every thought word and deed.
Finally
in middle age we’ve come to the conclusion that we can’t be trusted to
pick the appropriate mate. Those of us who are still hoping to have
any relationship at all are turning the decisions over to a committee
made up of the women in our golden circle who will actually tell us
that we’re making a mistake if we are. These would be the same women
who would tell us to STOP USING THAT LIPSTICK PENCIL! This committee
is NOT made up of pansy-ass ‘yes’ women who would agree with us because
they don’t want to lose the friendship. And because love makes us
insane they would create an ‘intervention’ if necessary to make
absolutely certain that we realize our monumental mistake before it’s
too late.
So
you middle-aged potential male candidates...as if you’re not confused
by us enough at this point KNOW that you will be invited to many
gatherings of ‘the committee’ and unbeknownst to you they will be
filling out their mental evaluation sheets with X’s or checks. This
will take place early on before we’ve mired ourselves in the quicksand
of that early flush of love...or lust. Think of it as an obstacle
course of love in which you must compete...but not against another
suitor...against a MUCH more formidable foe...our WOMEN...our scouts
our due-diligence platoon. Should they approve you will then qualify
for the love ride of your life having picked one fabulous funny
beautiful Texas woman. BUT also know that you must be ‘re-certified’
every year (by the committee) in order to prove that you were who you
appeared to be during the first exam. This will keep you on your toes
and courting us the rest of our lives which is all we want anyway.
Good Luck and God Speed!
KK
*******************************************
I
have really shitty taste in men. That being said if I do come across
someone I’m interested in I’m going to run him through the gauntlet of
my women friends before I even share a Caesar Salad with him. This I
have learned from experience and watching KK’s husbands.
I
don’t know about you other women out there but every time I fell hard
in love there was one specific moment when I still had my wits about me
and was able to make that final decision. Jump! Go for it! Or walk
away. No run like a bat out of hell and never look back. If you have
to make that decision at all then it’d be safe to say that the latter
choice would be the one to make. But we don’t. We make excuses for
him defend his obvious shortcomings and assure our stern-faced
friends that they just don’t know him yet. Never mind that he has
alienated every one of them and ‘girls’ night out’ has turned into
‘make-his-favorite-nachos-night’ while he completely ignores you in
favor of whatever sports event is on the tube. Oh well you think I
can always do my toenails.
When
my last boyfriend came to Austin to meet my family KK had his number
in five minutes flat. She hated him. Oh if only I had listened to
her…but by then I was too far gone. See that’s what happens the
pheromones start sparking and before you know it your girl friends are
hinting that you don’t have a mind anymore but at least your toenails
look really good.
The
only way to remain ob
That’s freedom girls. That’s love.
