|Fork It Over!|
I looked up “pay the piper” and one of the definitions is: “to receive punishment for something.” Some people think that taxes are that form of punishment. And we tried so hard to make that money didn’t we? There are so many conundrums about living that I just do not understand. But whatever you’re doing if you haven’t paid your taxes yet or filed for an “extension” you’d better get your ass in gear and finish that project. You have until midnight tomorrow April 15th.|
Of course it won’t surprise you to know that I did my taxes a long time ago and forced the other members of my family to do the same for fear of daily beratings. I feel so sorry for those slackers who are frantically going through piles of receipts bank statements and travel information. I found one of my grocery receipts with a full-lip smack on the back. I must have run out of kleenex. And I used my cat’s name as someone I met with for a business transaction. Shhhhhhh! Oh hell the IRS isn’t looking for me. They are understaffed overworked and I’m just not financially worth it.
I like to park my car near the downtown post office as midnight nears on April 15th just to watch the frantic anxiety-ridden deadbeats who have procrastinated until the last nanosecond. It’s a strong reminder to me of what stress can do. Those people are all heart attacks about to happen. In those last few moments they’ve taken 3 years off their lives. But their theory is that the fun they had until they realized how late they were with their taxes was well worth it. For a person with control issues that dawg just won’t hunt (for you yankees that means the argument will not fly I mean hold water whatEVER!). Those people ate the icing first and everyone knows that you eat the cake AND the icing together so the last bite will be perfectly balanced.
Oh dear now I’m wafting into societal issues that bespeak my ‘peculiarities.’ Just pay the money and shut up. It won’t come around again for a whole year. Whup it up till then.
Yeah it’s that time of year again when you are reminded of death. I mean taxes. After all those are supposed to be the two things that never change. I think that’s the quote. It’s appropriate. You try and work to get what you want and then the grim reaper comes along and says ‘Wait a minute you’ve got to pay the tax on that.’ Whether it be on that new zebra-patterned purse or the fact that you just drank one too many margaritas at The Hula Hut…you’re gonna pay the price.
I wonder what would happen if there were no taxes at all. Maybe there would be no poor people and so we would not have to pay taxes to help the government give them food stamps. There would be no money in the government at all. Then what would happen? Our government employees would all have to volunteer and there would be nobody to clean out the bathrooms at the public parks. There would be no money for toilets at The Pentagon the streets would all look like wagon trails and there would be no money to print money. Let’s face it we have to have taxes.
And we have to have death. OMG. Just think what would happen if we didn’t have death. That means that everybody who was ever born would still be alive. Talk about global warming. The face of the earth would look like an ant hill and your great aunt Hilda would be three thousand years old. The cost of Depends alone would skyrocket. And then…we would need taxes to pay for caregivers for thirty five trillion people wandering around in the streets wondering what the hell happened to the sabre-toothed tigers and trying to figure out how to deduct their twenty three thousand dependents on their taxes.
You just can’t win.