yle="padding-top: 0pt;" class="paragraph_style_1">Frankly I don’t care which came first the chicken or the egg; I’m just damn glad that chickens shoot those ovals out at such a clip.  You may think I’ve finally run out of things to blog about and saw an egg in the kitchen and just thought ‘What the hell I’ll write about eggs.’  You would be only half wrong.  True eggs may seem boring to some but those of us who crave them will be riveted to this tome.

Let’s envision a world without eggs.  There would be no Hollandaise sauce which would be a travesty.  Fried chicken would be a rare delicacy because there would not be as many chickens.  You sure wouldn’t have any souffles and what kind of a world would that be?  Easter would just be about Jesus and rabbits.  Over medium would have a completely different definition and sunny side up would be some ditzy psychological disposition.

Did you know that on the first day of Spring you can stand a raw egg up vertically on a flat surface?  This is a great cocktail party trick although it does take time so you’re able to have another drink while you watch the fool trying over and over again to make it happen.  Have patience...it works.  So eggs have something to do with the sun and the moon.  Freaky!

Whoever tells you they don’t like eggs is lying.  And I suspicion that even vegans secretly have an egg on toast every now and then.  Okay I don’t like poached eggs especially to watch them cooking...it’s just too much information and slimy like the insides of okra but I’ll eat them when the word Benedict comes after.  Ultimately if we didn’t have eggs to ‘push around anymore’ there would be no spoon races...what would you put in the spoon tomatoes?? 

I rest my egg case.

KK

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I love eggs more than anything.  I eat an egg over medium pretty much every day for breakfast.  Remember when they said eggs had too much cholesterol and everybody started eating only the whites?  That's gross.  I never did that.  If you can't eat the yolks what's the point?  That would be like saying "I'll have the cherry pie but hold the cherries."  No you've got to eat the whole egg or you are just fooling yourself that you are being healthy.  And...in my opinion...you are a pussy.

Can you imagine eating an ostrich egg?  Did you see that Amazing Race episode where the contestants had to eat a huge bowl of scrambled ostrich eggs?  They were gagging and choking and throwing up all over the place.  And do you remember that time when the contestants on Survivor had to eat those eggs with the partially matured ducks in them?  OMG!! They had feet and feathers and heads and everything!!  I could not do that.  I'm sorry but that would have been my last day on Survivor and Jeff Probst wouldn't have had to put out my flame with a giant candle sniffer.  I would have spit the fire out on my way down the trail of shame.

They serve quail eggs in fancy restaurants but they make me a little nervous.  I don't know I suspect that they go out to Central Park in NYC and get filthy pigeon eggs from the mouths of stone gargoyles on brownstones and then slap them on top of weeds and call them warm sahlahds.  I don't know why I think that. Maybe it's because I can't imagine the quail egg salesman knocking on the back door of a five-star restaurant to sell his tiny little cartons of quail eggs.  Where did he get them?  I ain't eatin' no friggin quail eggs anywhere.

You can buy eggs in milk cartons now too.  That's weird.  People can't even be bothered to crack their own eggs these days?  And they even have little half-assed milk cartons of egg whites.  Can that be real?  I would never buy one of those.  That would be like pouring snot into the frying pan.

Okay that's it.  I'm done.  I just grossed myself out.