|The Angel and the Devil|
It’s a never ending struggle.
I remember as a child being told about the little angle that sat on my right shoulder. This little creature was always perfect and sometimes downright annoying.
On the other shoulder is the creature I have much more in common with. This one has a devilish grin and thinks like I do. It prefers to just sit there and watch the world go by. I don't smoke and I don't think he does but I swear I have seen him blow tiny smoke rings in the air when things are going his way.
Every woman that works is always in contact with these two little characters. The angel tells you what you “ought” to do and the little devil tells what you really “want” to do. I can tell you right now when you have these two on your back all the time, it can be a pain in the ..well you get the idea.
I went back to college when I was in my forties. I worked full time and went to the University of North Carolina at the same time. My son was in grade school and I had one of those weekends when I was off from work. I had a paper due, several loads of laundry waiting for me and about 400 pages to read that weekend. I am good at multi-tasking so I had put in a load of clothes, had dinner in the crock pot. My son was playing and I propped up my feet and dragged my chemistry book out of my back pack. I figured if I read from the time I started on a load of clothes and I had to get up and switch loads maybe, just maybe I could get my chemistry reading done and not fall asleep. Believe me ,reading a chemistry assignment is better than any sleeping pill. I could fall as sleep faster than a NASCA drive cam complete one lap. I wasn't getting much sleep anyway so all I had to do was think about reading a Chemistry assignment and I 'd get sleepy.
I was struggling with the reading and orchestrating the movements of clothes from washer to dryer and actually folding and hanging clothes and reading in between. I thought I was doing a pretty good job.
That little devil just sat on my shoulder and looked angry. The little angel on the other shoulder keep peeking uneasily over at the little devil. I was beginning to feel a little nervous. Something wasn't right.
The little angel got down and ran out of the room. I could see her little wings getting down in the “turbo mode”. I tried not to pay too much attention to her because every time I do I end up very frustrated . She never lets me do what I want to do. She always has a way of making me feel guilty about something. I can live without that, but every time I have to make a decision. She really shows herself when I have a lot to do.
It’s always a choice of: what is the right thing to do and what does everyone expect me to do or what are the rules. On the other side are the things that are fun, make you fat or is probably a sin in some abstract form, these are the things that get her wings fluttering and ties my gut in a knot.
Well this particular day the angel has been winning most of the time and the little devil keeps shifting his position. I was being so good but I could feel my halo slipping and soon I suspect it would be down around my neck and slowly choking me. It was going to happen, I could just feel it. Sure enough, it did.
The little devil was like a horse just waiting for the gun to fire at the beginning of a horse race. He was biting at the bit. He kept squiring and I could tell he wasn't happy. That darn angel was getting on his nerves too.
About this time the little angle came running toward me. She was pale and almost out of breath, Those little wings where just fluttering. “Virginia Marie !” (I remember my mother use to call me that when I was in trouble) I stopped instantly! She was pointing toward my son's bedroom and looked like she had seen something awful. She was gasping for air. “Did you see all those dust bunnies under your son's bed?” She was making a stabbing motion with her finger toward his bed room.
“Those things are HUGE and they are just loaded with every kind of nasty germ you can think of and whets really bad is they are MULTIPLING.” She was screaming at me. “You HAVE TO DO SOMETHING NOW!
Of course I didn't want dust bunnies under my son's bed . Heck, I wasn't thinking about dusty bunnies! Of course I didn't want them multiplying, and of course I knew the right thing to do was to take care of it immediately But..I had laundry in the washed and the dryer and I was folding and hang clothes as they finished. I had dinner cooking and I was on a roll I was actually making some progress. I was half way done with the laundry and the rest was all big pieces so that last loads would be easy. My reading was on a role and I actually understood about a third of it. Maybe I could deal with it later. I keep folding clothes.
There she stood, her wings flipping like a cat's tail when the cat is ready to attack. “Well what are you waiting for?”
Maybe it was the tone of her voice or the look in her eye, but whatever it was , I just snapped! As fast as lightening, I had that little creature by the neck and down on the floor in a second. My hands were around her neck.
The little devil was so shocked, his jaw dropped and I saw smoke rings starting to rise above his head. He moved closer to get a better view. He knew it was “SHOW TIME”.
Her eyes bulged and she had a look of shock and terror in her eyes. I froze! I was about to kill an “Angel”!! I felt bad and yet there was this feeling of power I had never felt before. For a second I wanted to squeeze her neck tighter and yet I was shocked at what I was thinking and what I was doing.
I am sure it was that little devil's that caused this.
I sat back on my heels and took a deep breath.
The little angel was afraid to move. Her little wings were still.
I helped her up and tried to smooth her feathers. I was so embarrassed. I never knowingly killed anything in my life and to think I was seconds away from killing this sweet little angel.
I was a terrible person. I was about to commit an unthinkable crime.
I eased back to reposition myself. I sat there and thought about what I had done. I realize I needed the little devil and the little angel, but I also had to be the one making the decisions. They may not always be the right ones but at least with these two I am constantly reminded to balance things.
The little devil does promote a growth and encourages me to venture into unknown territory and the Angel, (bless her little wings) she always reels me in when I venture too far.
“OK, you two, we need to talk!” I faced both of them. “I need both of you but Please just cut me some slack here. If you know of a way for me to get this all done, Please tell me if not we have to compromise. Just work with me, I need all the help I can get.”
I had to tell the Angel, I couldn't be perfect and never would be, but I would try to be better.
I faced the little Devil and said, “And you!, You are going to have to stop before I do something we all will regret. You can't exist without little Miss Angel here and she can't exist without you , so get use to it.”
While the little Devil may seem to be “evil”, he isn't always. Sometimes he is a little 'dare devil” He encourages one to think beyond the boundaries, to try new things, to try something different. But because he is a little devil, I have to take responsibility for my actions. While he may have cheered me on while I was trying to strangle the little angel. He was also the little devil that showed me how easy it would be to do something I knew was wrong. How did I know it was wrong? Well that was the little angels job
Neither of them really want to win. They just want humans to do their what they are suppose to do. They are the balancing forces that allows us to accept each other as individuals., to be able to deal with life and each other.
I got up off the floor, straightened my clothes and sat on the chair. I invited the little Devil and Angel to join me. I asked the little Devil if he really wanted me to kill the Angel? He said “Yes, but not really! If she's gone, what do I have to live for?”
The little Angel blushed, her wings were fluttering. I know she likes this little bad boy She looked down and smiled, “Well,” she said, “You certainly make my life anything but boring. I really don't want you to leave either. With that statement , she blushed. Angels blush a lot.
I got up, got a cup of coffee and as stood there stirring my coffee. I tried to decide what was the right thing to do.
I agreed to listen to both of them, within reason, but I reserve the right to make my own decisions.
I sipped my coffee and the two little creatures hopped up on my shoulders and I got a tiny hug from both of them.
I was smiling to myself and as I got a glimpse of my reflection and the two of them in the mirror across the room. The Little Devil winked at the little angel. She blushed and her little wings were just a fluttering. She was smiling and he was blowing tiny smoke rings.