For me, the first time I even considered that I might be getting old was when the pretty young thing manning the cash register at the local golf course’s pro shop asked me if I was an AARP member. I masked my horror with a smile and told the perky teenager that I was too young to be a member of AARP—I was only forty-eight.

Shortly thereafter while searching for my ball in the woods that run alongside the par-three fourth hole, I had time to apply a modicum of reason to the fact that a child who would have been too young for my son to ask out on a date had basically called me an old man. I assumed that the little girl was so young that she probably thought anyone over thirty was old—that had to have been it.

The next epiphanic moment came less than two years later when I popped open the mailbox and found a letter from AARP staring me in the face. It was an invitation to join the old-folks club and become eligible for all the money-saving benefits. Receiving my letter from the Selective Service System thirty-two years earlier filled me with less dread. At least having a draft card entitled me to legally buy a beer in West Virginia. That was a far better deal than ten-percent off the Bran-slam breakfast at Denny’s.

Still, there it was, official notification from AARP that I had indeed become a senior citizen. However, I should have known it was coming. There had been other signs warning me that I was starting to get a little long in the tooth.  Here is just a handful.

You know you’re a Senior when…

The barber asks if you would like to have your ears trimmed.

You’re no longer embarrassed to go to the mall wearing your slippers.

You have more hair on your back than on the top of your head.

You won’t shop anywhere that doesn’t have a public restroom.

Your family doctor informs you it’s time for a colonoscopy.

You can’t find your teeth.

When you lift a ladies skirt with your cane, people think it’s cute.

You no longer think the Depends commercials are funny.

Those are just a few of my personal favorites; feel free to add to the list. I’m sure you have a few symptoms of OAS, Old Age Syndrome, that are uniquely your own.