This article is for all of us Boomers who for whatever reason God and/or Mother Nature decided that we didn’t need a nice thick covering of hair to protect our skulls from the elements.
If you are lucky enough to still have a full head of thick hair, there is a reasonably good chance you will for as long as you live. On the other hand, for those of us that are genetically challenged, we have limited options and some of us, not me, feel it necessary to pull one over on the people to whom we are trying to make a good first impression. There are quite a few options available to the balding man if he feels that a good head of hair is what he needs to be accepted by society and desired by the opposite sex.
In no particular order; one can go the hair-plug route—looks good from a distance but up close your head will look more like one of those old-fashioned baby dolls whose hair was stuffed into hundreds of little holes drilled into the baby’s skull. If you don’t mind looking like Chatty Cathy or Betsy Wetsy you may want to go this route. Or you could use one of the many products sold over the counter, or only hawked via infomercials that promise to grow hair and restore your manhood and general babe magnetism in just six short weeks for only three easy payments of just ninety-nine dollars and ninety-nine cents.
Another option would be the hairpiece, wig, or toupee, as some prefer to call it. People usually can’t tell when a man is wearing a rug…and I have a sure fire opportunity for anyone looking to invest in the stock market. Of course one could always wear a hat—it’s fashionable again and you can find a look to fit just about every occasion. Gallagher wears a hat and has long hair but then if you’re bald and grow what’s left of your hair really long, you probably should wear a hat. Just remember, at some point you’ll have to take the hat off. Or, you could try one of those spray-on hair products that were popular in the eighties. Just be careful not to bump into anything with your head, you’re likely to leave some of your hair behind.
Although my favorite and probably the most original method for covering a bare scalp, is the time-honored and dependable comb-over method. This technique requires, skill, artistic talent and above all a good imagination. All you need is a healthy patch of hair on one side, or in the case of Donald Trump, the back of your head, a comb and lots of hairspray—and of course six months to allow that patch of hair time to grow a foot and a half. If you don’t have a problem parting your hair just above your ear you’ll look great and the babes will flock to you like flies to…well, you get the picture. There is a drawback however, you might want to stay out of the pool or the sauna and letting a woman run her fingers through your hair could result in a trip to the hardware store for a can of turpentine.