Ever ask yourself why the Cheez-Whiz isn't kept with the rest of the cheese, or why the lunchmeat is at one end of the store and the bread at the other? The answer is simple; the grocery store was most likely designed by men, who because the have a degree in marketing, believe they know how women think while they are doing their grocery shopping—that is ridiculous on too many different levels to count. The most obvious being that when a woman is shopping, her mind is like that of a Tasmanian devil. Feral impulses send her spinning from the deli counter to the soap aisle with no rhyme or reason. To pretend to know what the fairer sex is thinking, or to believe there is some sort of pattern to her operation while shopping is just flat-out insane—there is no method to this madness. Guys with thick glasses, buck teeth and marketing degrees are the reason that very few people, even fewer men are able to successfully navigate there way through the grocery store and end up with everything on their shopping list.

I personally know a lot of ladies who think that their husband/boyfriend doesn't like to go to the grocery store, with or without them, but that couldn't be farther from the truth. Men just don't like going to the store on a Sunday afternoon and miss two three-hour football games just because the missus can’t choose between two identical eggplants and end up buying neither because a flashing red “”two for one” sign interrupted her already fractured chain of thought. Also, they don't like going alone because it is nearly impossible to find anything amid the maze of bright colors, flashing lights, jars, cans and boxes. I imagine the inside of a woman’s head looks a little bit like the inside of a supermarket.

If only the store was made simpler; then most men would happily grab the list and take on the chore of shopping all by themselves. That way they could buy all the things they like—things that the lady of the house usually tosses out of the cart before they get to the checkout line. Plus, if the store was made simple enough for a man, the little woman could stay home on Sunday afternoon and watch "Green Fried Tomatoes" for about the twentieth time. Everyone comes out a winner, and as you might have guessed, I have the solution.

Take a look at the typical grocery list; you will find such items as a package of hot dog buns, a jar of pickles or possibly a box of cereal. What if the items in the store were located on aisles based on how they are packaged? A jar of pickles would be in the "jar" section, a box of cereal would be on the "box" aisle, etc. Things that come in weighted measurements would be in the "pound" section, i.e. a pound of bologna, or a half-pound of pasta salad. It is such a logical way to design a grocery store; I'm surprised that no one has thought of this before.

Ladies, just imagine how easy it would be for your man to go out and fetch a box of tampons. He could go right into the store, march up the "box" aisle and lo and behold, right in between a box of taco shells and a box of tea bags he would find a box of tampons. Sometimes I think I should be working for NASA.