The sun was coming up. I looked at the clock and realized it was only five o'clock in the morning, too early to get up, and I didnít want to go back to sleep. I found myself thinking about him again. In my mind, I could see him sleeping on his stomach with one arm tucked under his chin. I could hear his breathing.
His breathing was a little irregular, and once in a while, a finger would twitch, as if he was trying to make a point or was fixing something. I didnít know which. My Ol' Charlie was dreaming again. I watched and listened. I was just there, if he needed me.
You see my Charlie is a very special guy. He is sweet, loving and one of the strongest men I know; and yet sometimes he gets all tangled up in something inside, that makes me feel so helpless.
I want to help, but I donít know how. Sometimes in my efforts to help, I make things worse in his troubled world. I know it may get worse.
I closed my eyes and prayed. Thatís all I could do; I am just a woman. There are things I canít change, and things that will change as time goes on, and there is nothing I can do about either.
I took a deep breath. The lump in my throat made it hard to breathe. I made my way into the kitchen. I rinsed the coffee pot, filled the chamber full of fresh water, measured the coffee into the filter and waited. Soon the room was filled with the invigorating smell of fresh coffee.
The sun was up. A bright red, male cardinal watched me from his perch on the crepe myrtle outside the kitchen window. He seemed undisturbed by my pain. I watched him, as I took a sip of coffee.
He looked at me as if to say, ď Donít fret. Just love him and take one day at a time.Ē
And so I will!
Dedicated to Ol' Charlie
© 2008 Virginia R. Jansen