| Directions | |||||
|
|||||
|
Several weeks ago my wife and I went to visit her cousin near Altoona, which isn’t germane to the story other than the fact that Altoona is somewhat off the beaten track. We were able to follow the highway signs which led us to the general vicinity without much difficulty. The directions that my wife had written down made absolutely no sense to either of us so with consternation building and after driving around lost for about a half an hour, I grudgingly stopped and asked for directions. The first establishment we came upon that wasn’t a saloon and was open at ten o’clock in the morning was a small craft shop that sold baskets of dead flowers, pine cones and glue; of course this is where my wife thought we should stop and ask for directions. While she was browsing the aisles for dried twigs and acorns I asked the pleasant middle-aged lady behind the desk for directions. Of course the clerk knew my wife’s cousin—everyone in Altoona knows each other. She was also more than happy to give me directions. “Okay; you pull out of the parking lot and go that way (pointing to the east). You go a little bit out the road and you will see a white house with blue curtains...oh, and with cute little borders of white lace. A little bit up from that you will come to a big boulder that looks like a bear; a sleeping bear that is laying on his side. Right after that turn left (gesturing to the right with her right hand)...no right (pointing to her left).” Finally she pointed to the left and said; “This way.” She reminded me a little of the scarecrow on the Wizard of Oz. “Go out that road until you get to the Baker’s house, it’s the two-story with fake stone on the front. I liked it better when it was just a plain old white farm house—some people, just think they are too fancy for the rest of us.” I was just beginning to wish I had been writing all this down when a man who I assumed was her husband came out from a back office. “Who you looking for?” he asked. “The Morgans.” “Take this road east for two miles, make the first left, go about a mile and a half and they are the third house up on the right.” |
