I heard a story once about two men standing in a courtyard staring up at a flag. A woman came by. She looked up at the flag and didn’t notice anything different. She asked them why they were staring at the flagpole.
“Well”, said the youngest one,” Our boss told us to measure the height of the flag pole and we were just trying to figure out the best way to do it.”
“Oh that’s simple. Let me show you”, she searched through her purse and found a screw driver. She walked to the base of the flagpole, unscrewed the four bolts holding it in the base. Once that was done she carefully lower the flagpole. Reached in her purse again. Pulled out a small sewing kit, removed a tape measure and measure the flag pole from one end to the other.
“Its 14ft high “ she said. She tightened the screws holding the flag pole in place just enough to get it up right and then tighten them to secure it in place. She replaced the screw driver and tape measure in her purse, got in her car and drove off.
The two men just stood there and after a few seconds one of them scratched his head. “Dumb woman, she didn’t measure the height, didn’t she know she just measure the length?”
Men have a way of not including logic when they do a measurement.
A good example was when I was a young bride we had carpet put in and the coat closet door scarped the carpet. I told my husband he needed to take about a quarter of an inch off the door so it would open and close easier. The next day when I came in from work there was a large opening at the top of the door. I asked him what happened, he reminded me I had told him to take a quarter of an inch off the door and which he did and it still scrapes the carpet. He gave me that smirk look that says,” You aren’t as smart as you think you are’.
I got a plastic ruler and a pencil; I sat on the floor and got him down on the floor with me.
I had him lie on his stomach and watch what I did. We were both on the floor in front of the closed closet door. I let the ruler rest on the carpet against the door and gently drew a straight line from the height where the ruler reached the door. While we were down there I asked him if he could imagine that if he removed that much wood, the door would close easily. I asked him how he thought taken the wood off the top would help?
“Ventilation?” he said. I let him get away with that one.
The other day I asked my husband to measure the dog, Wrangler, for a new collar. After a ten minute try to measure the dog ,he came in and said.” I finally got his still long enough to measure him. His is 45 inches around his neck. We need a 45-inch collar. “
You can imagine the look on my face. Our Wrangler has a 45-inch neck? I don’t think so. “Paul think a minute, what size is your waist band? Is Wranglers neck bigger than your waist?
I couldn’t resist. “Are you sure want to go to Wal-Mart and ask the clerk if they have a 45 inch collar for a dog? I wasn’t sure what he had done, so I asked him to show me. I thought perhaps he had started at the high end of the tape measure. I had to take advantage of the situation. This is something any self-respecting wife just can’t pass up.
I asked him again if he was sure our dog had a 45-inch neck” Paul, think a minute, what size is your waistband? Is Wranglers neck bigger than your waist?”
No reply. He was fiddling with the tape measure.
“Ok, think about this, if the dog has a 45 inch neck, how tall is he?
(Deer in head lights look)
“ I think I’ll re- measure him” I went with him to hold Wrangler still long enough to get the tape measure around his neck. Wringer has an 18-inch neck.
The moral of all this is “Things are usually not as big as men say they are. Trust me!"