Now that we have reached our golden years, or at the very least what might be considered our silver years, it’s time to have that talk about protection. I know, you’re thinking that you’ve already had this talk, a long time ago when that James Dean character was up on the silver screen corrupting the morality of America’s youth. Most likely it was your dad that sat you down and warned you of the perils of making unwise decisions, hanging with the wrong crowd and then somewhere in the lecture the subject of prophylactics, condoms, or maybe even rubbers, came up. Well, today James Dean is looked upon as nothing more than a troubled young man who had a penchant for fast cars and booze. James Dean would never break into your apartment, bash you over the head with an aluminum baseball bat and then proceed to rip the rings off your fingers, skin and all.
Your parents back in the Fifties may have considered a pack of Trojans as adequate protection against the James Deans or even the Marylin Monroes of the

With this in mind, I would like to broach the subject of protection. Latex will no longer suffice in today’s out-of-control environment of excess and self-gratification. Nowadays the protection of choice is more likely to be a weapon. A shotgun or a rifle may be too wieldy at a time when you have been awoken in the middle of the night by some droopy-pants, sideways ballcap wearing disturbed young man in need of a fix. To protect yourself against this loser, I recommend a handgun.  You’ll want to go with something that fires no smaller than a .38 caliber bullet. A .22 may only wound the creep and the last thing you want in your bedroom is an angry drug addict with a flesh wound. A semi-automatic .45 is my protection of choice and hollow-point lead condoms will give you the best chance to survive your visitor.

Remember, the police aren’t your personal bodyguard, they most likely will only show up after the fact to take pictures, gather evidence and then round up all the likely suspects and believe me there will be plenty of those. It is up to you to protect yourself. Gun safety classes are available at most, if not all shooting ranges and many have classes designed especially for seniors. The bottom line is; don’t be a victim—protect yourself. And while on the subject of protection, be sure to keep a package of Trojans in the nightstand drawer along with the Colt .45—your next visitor might be a friendly one.